Today I thinking about my in a lifetime dog and I am feeling sad that he's gone

Taken at Dogkisser international headquarters

Busy weekends coming up + Charlie loves Halifax Updates

This weekend we've got the "Meow Mixer" at Farrell Hall in Dartmouth for us all to go to to spend our money at - a bunch of charity's have rented a hall - over 30 tables - and they're going to be selling yard sale type stuff to raise money for themselves so they can pay down their vet bills and stuff like that. Isn't that fabulous?

And then next weekend - we're going to do it all over again with the "Indoor Yard Sale" out in Fall River being sponsored by Atlantic Small Dog Rescue - so don't spend any money at Frenchy's or Value Village in the next 2 weeks - spend all your money at these 2 events - there's going to be lots of good stuff to buy - I know - I'm sure there's a few things (or maybe more) that I've donated that'll be there - all Killer - no filler!

I did have to get my fix last night though and found this little gem at Value Village - isn't it just the cutest thing? It's a dog shaped lamp made out of wood and chicken wire. When I saw it I knew I had to have it - and only $2.99 ! They didn't know what kind of a piece of folk art they had when they only wanted such a pittance for it. I will love it dearly for many years to come.

On the "Charlie loves Halifax" website front - I've been in doing updates to the site - and even gone so far as to give Bubby his own page! For some reason I haven't been able to get the Bubby.ca domain to work yet - but I'll get 'er running at some point - the page is working - you can get there by clicking on this link - it talks about why he can't be the star of the website - yet, but maybe someday he will be.

Next May is the 10th anniversary of the Charlie loves Halifax site - and I find that to be a pretty exciting thing.

I've never been able to figure out why nobody has copied the site - and kept it going - lots of people have started sites that are sort of like it, but then they've never kept it up.

I've got some ideas about what I'm going to do for the anniversary - and I'm looking forward to it - I'm not ready yet to say what it is - but it's going to be pretty huge, and you may be able to set your coffee on it - and local rescue may make some money from it. And it's going to take a ton of work.

Charlie was my once in a lifetime dog, who can never be replicated. My 120 pound pocket-dog who could go anywhere because he was so well socialized, well trained - and such a happy dog - everybody loved him. When he leaned into you - he was your friend for life.

If only everyone could experience that kind of unconditional love - the world would be a much different - and better place. I am convinced of that.

And that is why I keep the site up to date and running - because I am sure there are other people out there somewhere who feel like me about dogs. I know I can't be the only crazy person who wants to spend 24 hours a day with their dog, and spend as much of their disposable income as possible on them as well - and is also willing to build an absolutely huge website for free with no advertisements whatsoever.

I think 10 years is a long time for any website - and I'm proud of that accomplishment. The site has had millions and millions of hits - everyone of them from people who are only there because they love their dog. And I want the 10th anniversary not to pass by unnoticed.

So stay tuned - because I'm hoping that you're going to like what's going to happen.

ps - I went in and did some other updates too - to the doggy day care and dog walker pages - that list always seems to grow and contract everyday for some reason! So check out the main page for some things I've added as well as those 2 pages - and did you know that the NSLC on Quinpool Road is dog friendly - so if you want to buy your liquour - go there! And your dog can do some licking too!!!

Pet Reliquary's

I have been looking for a piece of jewelry to memorialize Charlie and Daisy - what's called a reliquary and a pet reliquary specifically.

When you google the term, surprisingly very little comes up that is actually a nice piece of jewelry, is a memorial that doesn't include sending away some of your dogs ashes and isn't a thousand bucks.

I was so happy and Excited when I saw this necklace which is also a pet or human reliquary on Etsy. I think it's brilliant, beautiful and a lovely piece of art to wear around my neck.

It's also a lovely tribute to Charlie and Daisy - the artist Gretchen stamped and sent me at no extra charge inserts for both their names as well as my Dogkisser logo because she was touched by their love and life story.

I think it was just so nice of her to do that - when you look at her other stuff you can see what an excellent artist she is.

You can find her work at http://www.etsy.com/people/GretchenWalker?ref=pr_profile

Ps - the reason why the reliquaries with Cremains in them were not suitable for me was because Charlie and Daisy's urns are sealed and unavailable to me - so those types of jewelry were not a viable option.

Hoarding

I have not been ready to let go of Charlie and Daisy.

Even when they were alive I knew that they were going to die - when Daisy was diagnosed with diabetes - from the first needle that I gave her - I couldn't throw one of them out. I kept every one - and I gave her 2 a day.

So from October 2010 to June 2011 I have every needle I injected her with - I hoarded them all. I also have every empty bottle of insulin that I gave her as well. I just can't throw them out - it's like if I do, I'm throwing Daisy out - it's the last bit of her that I have.

It's classic hoarding symptoms and I know it, but there it is - all the needles, packed neatly into plastic bags.

There's nothing I can do with them. I can't turn them into craft projects. I can't reuse them. I can't put them out on display. But I can't throw them out.

I have half thrown them out - they are in my office at work - I had taken them there to throw them into the huge sharps containers we have there - but they still haven't made it actually into the containers - they're still sitting in my office. And the bottles are still here at home.

When do you stop grieving? I have here with me now what is certifiably one of the cutest little dogs in the universe. I have been so lucky to have acquired him, but my life is so diametrically different than it was when I had Charlie and Daisy. Living a big dog lifestyle - and having their 2 personalities in my life - was so completely different than the life I'm living now.

I have lost a lot of things in the last couple months and will be losing a lot more in the blink of an eye, maybe tomorrow - maybe next year. There are so many things we have no control over whatsoever that change our lives completely in one second.

I totally understand why people start hoarding like on the television show that's on right now - so far I've just kept it at needles - and baby teeth, and a little bit of hair - and one small piece of poop that I found in Jackie's bed after he had died. To a true dog person - when a dog has had a problem with a shit patch - saving a bit of their poop is understandable I think.

I don't know when my new life - the life I have now without Daisy and Charlie - will start to feel normal. It doesn't feel happy yet. Even with the cutest dog in the world and the most beautiful dog in the world.

I'm not letting it affect Bubby's upbringing though - that would be cruel for him - I can't imagine how horribly sorrowful the world would be though if I hadn't brought him home directly after losing Charlie and Daisy - it would have been unbearable.

I am going to hold onto the syringes for a bit longer. And the bottles, and the piece of dog poop - and Charlies baby teeth. I need to feel like I still have a physical piece of Charlie and Daisy to hold on to.

I know also that I did the right thing in bringing Bubby in so soon after - I got a really nice poem from a friend that speaks to that - and here it is -

A dog’s last will

When human beings die They write their testament
To leave their home
And all they have
To those they love
I’d so much
If I could write
To a poor, desperate, lonely stray
I’d give my happy home
My bowl and cosy bed
My soft pillow and my toys
The so loved lap
The tenderly stroking hand
The lovely voice
The place I had in someone’s heart
The love, that at last
Helped to me find a peaceful end
Held firmly in a sheltering embrace
When I die, please don’t say
“I will never have a pet again, the loss is far too much to stand”
Choose a lonely, unloved dog
And give him MY place

This is my inheritance: the love I leave behind is all I am able to give

Writer's Block

Long time, no posting. The reason I haven't posted to this blog is because I haven't been able to. Every time I think about making a post, I get a sick feeling in my stomach. I haven't even been able to do anything as mundane as answer emails.

I feel like if I post anything about the grief that I've been going through over Charlie and Daisy's death, it somehow trivializes it, because the same people who come here and mock my blog when I post about dog politics will also read what I'm going through over the loss of the dog's who have completely shaped my life for the last 12 years.

In the last couple of weeks I've been trying to figure out what my place is in the world now. I don't have these 2 huge dogs that I was so proud of and loved so deeply, and were the reason that I did everything that I got up for each day.

When something happens about dog politics in bsl - I don't have a dog anymore that might be targeted - so why should I care? I now only have funny, cute, small dogs. Where is my place in the world of dogs now, I don't know.

I am mourning Charlie and Daisy, but I am also mourning our life together - our big dog lifestyle - the exercise that 100 pound dogs need, the cachet that comes with owning big dogs, the security that comes from being in the middle of a 200 pound dog sandwich.

And at the same time - I have Buttercup with me still - and this absolutely beautiful little new dog that is completely amazing - and bad - and into everything and is chewing me out of house and home.

But Buttercup has fallen in love with him - and this IS my life now. A new phase has started. I will have big dogs again someday - but for right now - I have these 2 perfect little dogs.

There will never be dogs like Charlie and Daisy. They were one of a kind. I'm sure everyone says that about their own dogs - but I really believe that they were special, especially Daisy. She was an amazing rottweiller. Bubby has got some big shoes to fill, and hopefully Bubby will like where he ended up as well.

Below are a couple videos from the last couple weeks of Bubby. He's quite the player.

Charlie and Daisy are gone

I am writing this before Charlie and Daisy are gone, because I don't know when I'll be able write after they're gone. On Thursday June 9th at 12 noon Daisy and Charlie both were let go at the same time.

Charlie has been in a lot of pain for quite awhile - he's had arthritis, and every time he has gotten up I've wondered if it's the last time he was going to be able to get up. In the last few days Daisy's condition has deteriorated rapidly - she's almost completely lost the ability to walk and she's not wanting to eat, so she's ready to go - and I know that Charlie would have been lost without her - so I'm letting him go at the same time as her.

It has been such a blessing to have Charlie for the last 12 years, and to have had him long enough so that he has died of old age. There's not too many dogs who live with one person their whole life and go out the way he has.

I don't know if it makes his death easier. It makes it less tragic - he had a good, long life

He met a ton of dogs, he and I were so blessed to come into contact with almost all his brothers and sisters, and we even got to live with a couple of them - this was Philip, who later became Brodie.

And then there was Leonard who was the first love of Charlie's life - who I got with my husband when Leonard was 6 week's old, and led me to get Charlie from the SPCA when he was 3 months old. Leonard just died a couple months ago as well.

But I'd have to say that the major love in Charlie's life was Daisy. As soon as I got her in December 2003 it was love at first sight. For all of us.

Who wouldn't love the pure joy that Daisy gave us from the moment she came into our lives. Everyone who met her said how beautiful she was, that she was a special dog. She was a rottweiller with a gift.

It is a shame that rottweillers don't live to be old - when I said that she was 10 - and she really maybe almost made it to 11, everyone said that was rare - rottweillers don't get to be that old. And in the end, it has been hard for her - her back legs have stopped working, she has a couple of pretty large tumours, and she is ready to go.

We have all had such a fabulous life together these past almost 9 years.

This blog, and these 1,927 posts pays testament to that. It has all been played out here, literally. And I am so lucky for that - I can go back and live it all in here - there's not too many dogs who's lives have been so intimately documented as Charlie and Daisy's and Buttercups.

For each of the 10 or so photos in this blog post, I probably have at least 2,000 other pictures exactly like it, only slightly blurry and a bit shittier since I'm a shitty photographer, but they at least captured moments in the last 12 years, and I'm happy I did it now.

I know I've got to live through this somehow, and I am so glad that Buttercup is still here with me and she's still healthy. I am SO grateful for that.
Charlie were such good dogs. I don't know what I'm going to do without them

I can guarantee you that this week is going to be one of the worst week's of my life, so I don't know when I'll be making another post.

I have figured out why dogs don't live as long as humans do, though. It's because if they lived as long as we do - the human race would die out because we'd choose to live with our dogs instead of humans much more often - but since dogs live such short lives we have to take the very second-rate option of humans as our main companions, simply because their chances of living a long time are so much better.

10 years and 12 years is certainly a gift, but when you actually come to the end of it, the letting go part is wordless. I can only imagine what the aftermath is going to be like.

As each second goes by, my stomach feels a little bit sicker.

Cody - the Therapeutic Paws Dog

Today has been an emotional day for me. I got an email today that Cody - a yellow lab who was the same age as Charlie - has died.

He was 12 1/2 years old, and he and his Dad Don LebLanc were super active in the dog community - tons of people will know Cody and will be grieving for him today. He was a beautiful, calm dog and was perfect for the jobs that Don gave him.

I first met Don and Cody when I started my Charlie loves Halifax site and Don emailed me about dog friendly places and walks that he and Don and his wife had found - starting way back in 2002 - so I have been watching Cody's life from the sidelines for almost 10 years.

He's had a wonderful life, blessed and he was able to help a lot of people, and especially children through the Therapeutic Paws of Canada program.

When I searched through my computer to find photos of Cody - everyone that I found was of a happy dog living a wonderful life - both Don and Cody were very lucky.

It has really affected me because Cody is so close to Charlie in so many ways - age, breed - when I got the email this afternoon I spent a lot of time afterwards on the floor with the dogs - time is so precious. The end could come at any time - and all of Charlie and Daisy's compatriots are leaving one by one.

I'm sure Don knows that Cody was a one in a million dog, and Don was a one in a million owner - and the fact that they had so long together was something not too many people have. A true treasure.

Website names representative about having fun with dogs in the HRM

I'm thinking about changing the name of "Charlie loves Halifax" to something else - Charlie is really old - and he doesn't get out much anymore, and I'm having a hard time updating the website because I don't have any current photos of him having a good time out having fun in the city because he's pretty much housebound because his arthritis has gotten so bad that he has problems just getting up and down the stairs to the back yard - I hate to say that as each day goes by I watch him fading a bit more - and I don't know even how much longer he's going to be with me and it's killing me a little bit.

But back to the practical matter of the website - I have always known that at some point I would have to transition it over to some other name, because there would come a time when Charlie wouldn't be around any more to "love Halifax" - but now that that time has come - I can't figure out what else to call the site.

I own several domain names - I own halifaxdogs.ca, I own offleashhalifax.ca, and novascotiadogs.ca and .com - so I could use anyone of those domain names - but they just seem so impersonal.

I don't know - if you have any suggestions - please let me know - because I do have to change it - I'm having a writers block at working on the site because of it, so it's got to be changed

It is torture getting old

Today I took Buttercup over to Cole Harbour to be groomed so I took Charlie and



Daisy to Conrad's beach to go for a walk - Daisy did really well - she's had a bit of a rebound with her diabetes - she's been going in a couple times a week to the vet, and she's started to "curve" - she's gained a couple of pounds and she's not wanting to eat several gallons of water every day - so things are going pretty good with her at the moment.

Charlie on the other hand continues to be in pain - even taking daily doses of metacam - and today he started limping even before we had finished walking the boardwalk to get to the beach.

Osteo-arthritis, elbow dysplasia, old age - how long do you watch your once in a lifetime dog be in pain. Especially when there's good and bad moments. You watch them struggle to get up, struggle to lay down, watch them fall down, yet it seems like only last week they were running full tilt and wrestling with abandon on the same beach that today was torture for them.

This is the hard part of dog ownership. The part where people who own dogs will say "I'm never going to get another dog after this" - forgetting that there were 12 years of bliss. Luckily for me I've got it all on tape and in photos - today, and years ago...



Note - this video is NOT sped up - this is actually how fast Buttercup used to move...

Some great shots today

The dogs were on fire this morning - Buttercup was at her cutest - and Charlie and Daisy were being very beautiful in their wrestling - I was so glad I had the camera close by. I mean - Buttercup had TWO toys here. I am pretty sure she is feeling MUCH better without that snaggle tooth in the front of her mouth.
Please enjoy these pictures!