Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Writer's Block

Long time, no posting. The reason I haven't posted to this blog is because I haven't been able to. Every time I think about making a post, I get a sick feeling in my stomach. I haven't even been able to do anything as mundane as answer emails.

I feel like if I post anything about the grief that I've been going through over Charlie and Daisy's death, it somehow trivializes it, because the same people who come here and mock my blog when I post about dog politics will also read what I'm going through over the loss of the dog's who have completely shaped my life for the last 12 years.

In the last couple of weeks I've been trying to figure out what my place is in the world now. I don't have these 2 huge dogs that I was so proud of and loved so deeply, and were the reason that I did everything that I got up for each day.

When something happens about dog politics in bsl - I don't have a dog anymore that might be targeted - so why should I care? I now only have funny, cute, small dogs. Where is my place in the world of dogs now, I don't know.

I am mourning Charlie and Daisy, but I am also mourning our life together - our big dog lifestyle - the exercise that 100 pound dogs need, the cachet that comes with owning big dogs, the security that comes from being in the middle of a 200 pound dog sandwich.

And at the same time - I have Buttercup with me still - and this absolutely beautiful little new dog that is completely amazing - and bad - and into everything and is chewing me out of house and home.

But Buttercup has fallen in love with him - and this IS my life now. A new phase has started. I will have big dogs again someday - but for right now - I have these 2 perfect little dogs.

There will never be dogs like Charlie and Daisy. They were one of a kind. I'm sure everyone says that about their own dogs - but I really believe that they were special, especially Daisy. She was an amazing rottweiller. Bubby has got some big shoes to fill, and hopefully Bubby will like where he ended up as well.

Below are a couple videos from the last couple weeks of Bubby. He's quite the player.

No comments:

Post a Comment