Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Where have I been?

I haven't posted in awhile and I'm getting emails from people asking where I am and whether or not I'm okay.

The dogs are okay, still in love and playing like crazy - although I'm thinking seriously about getting a 3rd dog to even out the playing field - a smaller dog than either Bubby or Buttercup - but I'm going to take my time looking so it's not going to happen overnight.

I've never hidden the fact that I have bipolar disorder and have somewhat shared my struggles when they've come up on this blog - and I've been having major struggles in the last month or so - I've started having really debilitating panic attacks that have affected every part of my life and I haven't been on the computer hardly at all, in fact it's been something I've been avoiding - not answering emails, not making blog posts, not keeping up with what's going on.

I'm still struggling with what my future is in the internet game because Bubby is so un-dog friendly currently, and maybe always will be because of his proclivities - and he never may be able to handle going out in public like Buttercup and Charlie could - so how can I have a huge website about dog friendly Halifax when I have a dog who isn't dog friendly?

The thing I always say is that you should do whatever your dog can handle - and Bubby can't handle going out in public - it's too overwhelming for him, and I don't know whether he'll be able to handle it.

So I'm dealing with that at the same time as I'm having the panic attacks - what is my future. And it may also be why I'm looking for another dog - and this one will have to be dog friendly - and that will take the pressure off of Bubby and he can have a happy life living a high quality existence of all that he can handle - being around tons of dogs, but not having to go to any kind of social event.

With panic attacks I don't think they are going to go away by just giving in to them and doing nothing. I've got to force myself to have a regular life because I am such a lucky person to have had a regular life even with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.

I have good days and bad days, but I want to have a regular life, and give my dogs the best life they can have.

So I'm going to start posting again - I've got several to make in the next few days, we'll see how it goes.

ps - my eye surgery in December worked out better than in April - I'm still not 20/20, but I'm hoping that over time my vision is going to "crisp up" and I'll get to 20/20 - but it's pretty good - much better than it was before.


  1. Anonymous9:03 PM

    Ahhh Joan so sorry to hear about the panic attacks, I have them too. Many years ago I had to walk around with a brown paper bag and put my head between my legs and breath in and out. Now and then they rear their ugly head. Hoping you find what works for you. Have you tried any yoga ?


  2. Anonymous9:05 PM

    No, I haven't tried yoga - right now I am so tense I can barely move my neck! I have been putting aheating pad on my neck and taking deep breaths and sleeping a lot. That's pretty much what I've been doing, and I had blood tests today to see if the problem might be my thyroid.


  3. Joan, I tried Yoga -- did the "downward dog" and got a nosebleed -- that was the end of Yoga for me. :-)

    Glad to see you posting again. I am sad to hear what a struggle life is for you ... not sure what to say, 'cept hang in there ...

  4. that is a relief about your eyes. bubby should get together with Groucho. Groucho the lovable asshole

  5. I've been a bit out of the loop and didn't realize you'd had a follow-up eye surgery. I'm glad to hear this one worked out - I cannot even imagine not having my eyesight so I'm glad to hear you are able to see better these days.

    Re only doing what the dogs are comfortable with, one of my dogs (Xena) doesn't do well around environments she is not comfortable in - which is pretty much anywhere outside her home other than car rides or late night walks where there are no strangers to encounter - so that is what I have resigned to doing with her. People have told me I should do this training or that training to desensitize her, but all it does is stress her out so...I asked myself, why am I doing it? For her, or for ME? What makes her comfortable and happy and safe is being in her own home with Bailey and me where she feels safe and secure so that is how I help her live. :) So I totally relate to you on that point.

    Sorry to hear you are having health struggles, I hope things look up soon. It is really challenging and must be so frustrating. Hang in there. :(