Today I put one of my canine life companions "to sleep" as people so coyly like to put it when we end the lives of our non-human family members. I am devastated. My heart is broken.
Several things have happened in the last little while that made me come to this decision - but you never really know if you did the right thing or not. But last night it just hit me like a ton of bricks. Charlie - who is the most gentle, loving, easy to get along with, submissive for all the right reasons dog in this world - snapped (and I could almost say - bit) me twice - while trying to go after Teddy's food at suppertime - and I pushed him away so that Teddy could get back and start eating it again.
When he snapped at me - and I felt the contact on my arm - I realized that the dynamics in the house had gotten to a point because Teddy was always growling, snapping, peeing, shitting, and doing whatever he wanted. And the dogs and me were constantly having to defer to him. I deferred to him because of his past abuse and my belief that his problems were neurological - which I'm sure they mostly were. And the dogs had to do it because I made them - but last night Charlie tood umbrage with it - and snapped at me. And I thought to myself - what am I doing to these dogs? Buttercup has got porphyrin staining all up one of her legs because she won't stop chewing it - and I'm sure it's because of stress. Nobody can ever relax because Teddy was constantly growling and snapping - and no one could protect me - Buttercup was always trying to protect me. She was even starting to sleep on my face. And that is too big of a job for such a small dog.
Being a Buddhist I have to believe that I've just given him a jump start on a better next life. I've liberated him from this very painful current existence - and in about 49 days he's going to be reborn somewhere else - and I really hope that the next time he has better luck than he did this time. I will miss him terribly, and I am so sorry that I wasn't able to fix him. I take full responsibility for his death. I didn't do it lightly. I understand all it's ramifications.
Below is video I took yesterday morning of Teddy. It is some final video of him being himself.
I hope I will see him again someday.