Writer's Block

Long time, no posting. The reason I haven't posted to this blog is because I haven't been able to. Every time I think about making a post, I get a sick feeling in my stomach. I haven't even been able to do anything as mundane as answer emails.

I feel like if I post anything about the grief that I've been going through over Charlie and Daisy's death, it somehow trivializes it, because the same people who come here and mock my blog when I post about dog politics will also read what I'm going through over the loss of the dog's who have completely shaped my life for the last 12 years.

In the last couple of weeks I've been trying to figure out what my place is in the world now. I don't have these 2 huge dogs that I was so proud of and loved so deeply, and were the reason that I did everything that I got up for each day.

When something happens about dog politics in bsl - I don't have a dog anymore that might be targeted - so why should I care? I now only have funny, cute, small dogs. Where is my place in the world of dogs now, I don't know.

I am mourning Charlie and Daisy, but I am also mourning our life together - our big dog lifestyle - the exercise that 100 pound dogs need, the cachet that comes with owning big dogs, the security that comes from being in the middle of a 200 pound dog sandwich.

And at the same time - I have Buttercup with me still - and this absolutely beautiful little new dog that is completely amazing - and bad - and into everything and is chewing me out of house and home.

But Buttercup has fallen in love with him - and this IS my life now. A new phase has started. I will have big dogs again someday - but for right now - I have these 2 perfect little dogs.

There will never be dogs like Charlie and Daisy. They were one of a kind. I'm sure everyone says that about their own dogs - but I really believe that they were special, especially Daisy. She was an amazing rottweiller. Bubby has got some big shoes to fill, and hopefully Bubby will like where he ended up as well.

Below are a couple videos from the last couple weeks of Bubby. He's quite the player.

Hipsta-crazy

See the full gallery on Posterous

Don't miss tomorrow's Lab Rescue Big Doggie Doo!

Tomorrow night is Lab Rescue of Nova Scotia's Annual Dinner Auction at Shooter's Restaurant where they have a ton of stuff that you can bid on and they raise some money for the amazing amount of dogs that they help every year.

I've gone to their auction in previous years and it's a lot of fun - and they have really good stuff that you can bid on - Trish Pittman and her crew are one of the busiest rescues in Nova Scotia and you never hear about them on the news because they have no drama - they're too busy saving dogs and puppies!

They are such a worthwhile rescue to give your money to - when you think about it - labrador retreivers are at the top of the dog chain when it comes to dogs that people acquire - so they'd also be at the top of dogs that need rescuing - and Trish and her rescue are the only lab rescue in Nova Scotia - so they need a lot of money to handle all the dogs they get in a year.

So if you're looking for something really fun to do tomorrow night - you should head on out to Shooter's Restaurant in Enfield - and big high, and bid often!

Things have changed

It's been 3 days since Charlie and Daisy have gone and it was only tonight that I realized that they are not here. I think I've been blocking it out. They have been with me for so long and I am so used to them just being here that it's taken me 3 days to realize that they are actually not here in the house with me.

I looked at my bedroom floor tonight and saw that Charlie is in fact not there, in the spot that he's been in for the last 12 years and it just hit me. And then I flashed back to the vet clinic when I was laying on the floor next to Charlie and I had his head next to mine and his jaw in my hand and he breathed about 5 or 6 times and then he stopped. And I realized that he really wasn't here, and he wasn't anywhere.

People experience death millions of times every day, and each of those deaths is dealt with in a different way. One moment at a time. That's all we can do.

One way that I dealt with Charlie and Daisy's death was to go out and get a new companion for Butttercup. I have tried several times over the years to add a small dog to the crew so that she'd have a dog her size to play with - but they were always too damaged, neurologically or behaviourially to be able to play - so she always just played with Charlie and Daisy - which was good - but not the same as playing with somebody her own size.

So I have been super, super lucky - and found Bubby - who was formerly named Dougey - he was being fostered at Atlantic Small Dog Rescue

He's a 7 month old purebred bichone frise - and he's a beautiful puppy who loves to play - and Buttercup and him have already begun to play and she has already almost stopped hating him, which is fabulous.

We've been to Point Pleasant Park, and today we went to Seaview Park - and he is an awesome player.

I don't know too much about his history, but he doesn't appear to be damaged at all, which is wonderful - and he is super photogenic - which is also wonderful. He also takes great video - I got one tonight that I'll be posting that is so cute, you'll throw up. Seriously.



The video below is photos taken at Seaview today of him playing with a 3 1/2 month old lab mix named Gabriel - Bubby's first official video.

Enjoy.

Taking a break

Today has been one of the worst days of my life - and not just because I lost Daisy and Charlie.

I think I may take a break from the internet for awhile.  I have lost more than just my 2 best friends today.  Quite a bit more.

Me and Buttercup are going to do be some hanging out by ourselves for awhile.

Charlie and Daisy are gone

I am writing this before Charlie and Daisy are gone, because I don't know when I'll be able write after they're gone. On Thursday June 9th at 12 noon Daisy and Charlie both were let go at the same time.

Charlie has been in a lot of pain for quite awhile - he's had arthritis, and every time he has gotten up I've wondered if it's the last time he was going to be able to get up. In the last few days Daisy's condition has deteriorated rapidly - she's almost completely lost the ability to walk and she's not wanting to eat, so she's ready to go - and I know that Charlie would have been lost without her - so I'm letting him go at the same time as her.

It has been such a blessing to have Charlie for the last 12 years, and to have had him long enough so that he has died of old age. There's not too many dogs who live with one person their whole life and go out the way he has.

I don't know if it makes his death easier. It makes it less tragic - he had a good, long life

He met a ton of dogs, he and I were so blessed to come into contact with almost all his brothers and sisters, and we even got to live with a couple of them - this was Philip, who later became Brodie.

And then there was Leonard who was the first love of Charlie's life - who I got with my husband when Leonard was 6 week's old, and led me to get Charlie from the SPCA when he was 3 months old. Leonard just died a couple months ago as well.

But I'd have to say that the major love in Charlie's life was Daisy. As soon as I got her in December 2003 it was love at first sight. For all of us.

Who wouldn't love the pure joy that Daisy gave us from the moment she came into our lives. Everyone who met her said how beautiful she was, that she was a special dog. She was a rottweiller with a gift.

It is a shame that rottweillers don't live to be old - when I said that she was 10 - and she really maybe almost made it to 11, everyone said that was rare - rottweillers don't get to be that old. And in the end, it has been hard for her - her back legs have stopped working, she has a couple of pretty large tumours, and she is ready to go.

We have all had such a fabulous life together these past almost 9 years.

This blog, and these 1,927 posts pays testament to that. It has all been played out here, literally. And I am so lucky for that - I can go back and live it all in here - there's not too many dogs who's lives have been so intimately documented as Charlie and Daisy's and Buttercups.

For each of the 10 or so photos in this blog post, I probably have at least 2,000 other pictures exactly like it, only slightly blurry and a bit shittier since I'm a shitty photographer, but they at least captured moments in the last 12 years, and I'm happy I did it now.

I know I've got to live through this somehow, and I am so glad that Buttercup is still here with me and she's still healthy. I am SO grateful for that.
Charlie were such good dogs. I don't know what I'm going to do without them